I recently received some thinly-veiled disapproval about how I am raising my son. Little Man had had a tough day at school which had culminated in his lunchbox emptying messily into his school bag. What followed was a tired, emotional, end of week meltdown. Someone observed this and thought best to recommend a book to me that lots of 'really great mums' rated about us lowering the bar on kids' expectations of themselves.
A few months previously, this eager soul had given me a book to read entitled, 'The Gifts of Imperfection'. I detect a pattern. This person has a theory on me and it is leaking out in book recommendations. Once I had emerged from the stages of indignation - How dare they? Who are they to judge? Their problem is... Hmm, what if they're right? - I boiled it down to a distinct possibility: I am a perfectionist and this is affecting my family.
I don't know about you but I have always struggled to tell the difference between perfectionism and PMT. Do I want things done my way? Yes. Do I experience extreme irritation when people don't do it my way? Probably for two out of every four weeks.. I thought I had dodged the pure perfectionist bullet because I *gasp* can go to bed sometimes without wiping the kitchen counters down. That makes me laid back, right? A perfectionist could never do that.
Except they could. Because there is always a damn spectrum involved. Just because I can be sloppy on the crumb front, I can never stop reviewing the pots in my head. That's where my quest for perfect is working around the clock. I have a pot for each child, a pot for me as a mum, a pot for my parents, a pot for me as a daughter, a pot for my partner, a pot for me as a partner, a pot for work, the list goes on.
When things are going well in a life category, that pot is full, but one mishap can empty a pot. Once a pot has emptied, all hands are on deck to put it right; if someone thinks I am doing a bad job as a mum, that pot is empty all of a sudden and needs extra super-mumming until it's full again. The genius of this is that there is no filter. Even if I couldn't give two hoots what a person thinks, if they don't think I'm doing a good job, the pot empties.
Naturally, this is a full time job. There are very few times in life when every pot is brimming - more often than not, there are a few that need replenishing at any one time. No wonder I'm exhausted! I wholeheartedly agree with the 'OK is good enough' philosophy in theory. In practice, however, 'be the best you can be' resonates more clearly in my head. Do I need to check how this is being interpreted by my son? Probably. Although, if we're honest, aren't we all bouncing between these two messages daily? Food for thought. If you need a reading list, you know where I am.
